D-Day

Yesterday was D-Day. Not sure, but I felt slightly nervous in the morning. A slight weird feeling that something might go wrong, not sure why I even was thinking that. Wondering if things would feel different. It's been almost 2 years since I had seen Darryl. Minimal phone conversations that summer after he left. I'll never forget just laying on the couch really for days. just crying. crying and more crying. I remember listening to a lot of James Blunt's Goodbye my Lover feeling completely lost, shattered, confused, heartbroken, depressed, alone.

I'm not sure of when I was able to pick myself up and move forward. I know moving was helpful that August. I know that each day that passed I grew stronger as myself, as an independent woman. I don't always believe I'm as resilent as my mom, one of her greatest strengths that I admire. Then somedays I stop and am reminded that I am.

I can't help but smile for my future. I know it's a lot for me to think about at times, but life is beautiful. Does it all work out how I think it will, of course not, but for once in my life I feel like something is happening in my life like it was meant to as it is.

I spent last night with J. I couldn't think of anyone else I would want to share that day with aside from my mom. Simple things about him just really truely make me smile! I cannot say enough in the days I've lived in the last two years how refreshing it is to have someone in my life that has a plan for his life and working towards that plan, even when it might not work out as intended. We ended up just sitting on his moms couch watching tv and small talking with her. I catch the looks she gives him and I get this mom vibe from her that she sees a smiley change in her son. I've only been around her a few times, but I get a good feeling from J.

I once said that my heart had been shattered and all the parts had been pieced back together. When I think about J in recent days, he just melts me. Pretty sure he's melting all those pieces that got stuck back together.....resulting in a much stronger heart. I know people around me have seen a marked change in me, even before I met Jim. And I have seen an even more marked change in myself since meeting him. I'm a lucky and blessed girl. So happy to have that chapter closed so I can look into the future with a bit lighter of a skip in my step and wonder what all the possibilities lay before me.......